What Has Been My Family’s Reaction to The Unveiling?

People attending my presentations about The Unveiling over the last few months have raised some interesting questions. I’d like to share some in my blogs. This blog is about a question I had no trouble answering.

Question – Since your book is about a topic that caused so much sadness among family members, what has been your family’s reaction to The Unveiling?

(Photograph shows family members on a visit to my mother who is sitting in the center.)

Answer – I did worry a lot about how family members would react. Would they think my depiction of characters hit the mark or would they find anything hurtful or embarrassing? Unfortunately, both my mother and my sister passed away prior to the book's publication although they both provided in-depth interviews and shared many personal memories during various stages of the writing.

I can honestly say that once family members close to me read the book, I stopped worrying because everyone was so positive.

My daughter, Lisa, and son, Philip, were readers of early drafts and offered ideas to help tighten the story. Lisa travelled from New York for the book launch and invited many of her friends to join her. My brother, Dr. Allen Rubin, has been wonderful, putting me in touch with his colleagues to review The Unveiling before it was published. He has been telling people about the book and has actually spoken to a group of professionals in the mental health field about some of his own experiences depicted in the story.

My late brother-in-law, Morley Harris, told me the book brought tears to his eyes, particularly how I showed the inner strength of my sister through Collette. My nephew, Bobby Harris, has spread the word among his network and helped arrange a speaking event at Temple Emanu-el in Atlanta. My niece, Cheryl Schwartz, gave copies of the book to friends and colleagues, continues to tell people about The Unveiling, and has invited me to speak with her Temple in Maryland about the book.

One cousin, Carol Swartz, not only offered to help with the proof-reading, but helped with marketing activities and arranged two events where I could do readings and signings. Another cousin, Larry Rubin, remarked “you nailed it” and has spent a lot of time helping to spread the word. Other cousins have told me how well I captured my mother’s voice through Ettie.

One amusing comment came from a person outside of the family who attended one of my readings. She said she thought I was unfair to one character. Rachel, not knowing that I based Rachel on myself.

Review Sparks Discussion about Mental Illness

A letter to the editor of Pittsburgh’s Jewish Chronicle by Dr. Emil Trellis one week after the review appeared takes issue with the reviewer’s description of Morton and explains how Morton’s mental illness, undiagnosed at the time, was the reason for the behavior.  Following is the letter from Dr. Trellis to Pittsburgh's Jewish Chronicle:

Mental illness overlooked

Your March 25 review of “The Unveiling” is much appreciated. Your comments about the struggles of a Jewish family in pre-World War I Ukraine along with the adjustment difficulties after arriving in America should certainly stimulate potential readers. Likewise, Ettie’s mothering success, for practical purposes as a single mother, is well noted.

It is from a retired psychiatrist’s perspective that I feel that there was too little emphasis of Morton’s mental illness and its devastating influence on the family. I didn’t feel that he was so much an “unreliable born loser” but rather his consistent self-defeating behavior, depicted rather early after his appearance in the novel, was more an early manifestation of his paranoid schizophrenia.

Subsequently his emotional deterioration with his ultimate lifelong confinement to Mayview resulted in much family hardship including profound shame, particularly on the part of Ettie and David. Ettie lived life posing as a widow. David, after learning he had a father who was mentally ill, shared in the shame and also supported strongly the family “secret.” It was through the shiva, initially opposed by Ettie, that she and David were able to resolve this psychic pain.

It is my opinion that there is still much lack of understanding and stigma regarding serious mental illness in our society today. The term “schizophrenia” is lightly frequently used to depict a situation with diametrically opposite views. This undercuts the severity of the illness. The individual patient and the involved family deeply suffer. Sadly, there is often no significant cure. I feel that with appropriate counseling, at least the stigma, as well as other issues, could be better resolved by all. Conceivably, this might be of interest and benefit to some readers.

Dr. Emil Trellis
Squirrel Hill

Positive Review in Pittsburgh’s Jewish Chronicle

How appropriate that the first review of The Unveiling by the print media appeared in Pittsburgh’s Jewish Chronicle! It has heightened interest both in the book and in the issue of how mental illness affects families. Thanks to all the readers who contacted me after seeing the review.  Following is a reprint of the review:.

‘Unveiling’ a real look at the lives of Jewish immigrants

by Lee Chottiner, Executive Editor

“The Unveiling,” by Leah Rae Lambert, is a deceptively interesting novel.

For the first 50 pages or so, the reader gets the impression that the most interesting aspect of this book is its references to local places. Lambert, formerly of Pittsburgh, incorporates actual streets, stores, institutions and neighborhoods from Pittsburgh into her story of an extended family sitting shiva for their estranged, deeply disturbed father and grandfather, Morton Burin.

The characters go to dances at the Irene Kaufmann Settlement, they shop in the Strip District and set up a business in nearby Vandergrift. Lambert even mentions The Chronicle, as the paper where Burin’s funeral announcement appears.

The book initially feels like another locally set novel, Thomas Bell’s “Out of This Furnace,” which tells the story of an immigrant family’s life in Braddock and was a popular read for many Mon Valley Jews.

But “The Unveiling” is more than a trip down memory lane. While we see the family gathering around their mother and grandmother — Ettie Burin — to recount the family story as the shiva draws on, we gain a sobering understanding of the personal lives of newcomers to America, and how the immigrant experience took its toll.

We learn how Ettie’s father, Yitzhac, after being attacked by bandits near his home village of Skvira, Ukraine, prior to World War I, leaves for America planning to work, save and send for his wife, Sarah, and their three children.

Eight years pass before their reunion. During that time, Sarah and the kids survive the Russian Revolution, the civil war that followed and numerous pogroms.

When reunited in America, Sarah and Yitzhac are not the same people. They are disappointed with one another, their relationship forever altered by the long separation.

The story picks up with Ettie’s marriage to Morton, an unreliable born loser who can be violent at times. Ettie stays with him only because she fears the humiliation of divorce. Morton frequently disappears for days, even weeks at a time. Finally we learn he has a mental illness, is hospitalized, and will never be well. The family goes on public assistance. All of this happens with World War II as the backdrop, and news of the Holocaust slowly coming out.

To be sure, “The Unveiling” is not a happy story, but it’s a hopeful story. Ettie’s kids are successful, well adjusted and reasonably happy. Most importantly, they use the shiva to come to terms with their family history. They don’t run from their story, they embrace it, constantly urging Ettie to tell all she remembers about her difficult life.

One gets the feeling they’re learning from her, symbolically standing on her shoulders to reach for something better. And isn’t that what the immigrant experience is all about?

Warm Reception in Atlanta

It was an honor to be invited by Rabbi J. Schwartz to speak to the Congregation of Temple Emanu-el in Atlanta on March 19th about The Unveiling and family experiences that inspired the book.

The sanctuary is lovely and the first part of the service was inspiring and joyful. The Rabbi then introduced me, explaining that she found my book moving and provocative. She mentioned that I was the aunt of Bobby Harris, a highly respected member of the congregation.

When I began to speak, and mentioned how pleased I was to be there with Bobby and his family, I almost choked up. I remembered him as a baby, the faces of his proud parents and the many years our families enjoyed spending special occasions together. I moved on and quickly began talking about the book, so I could keep it together. It was amazing how attentive everyone was.

Following my 20 minute presentation, a number of people had questions.  It soon became clear that mental illness in families is a serious issue that many are grappling with. Some people waited to speak to me privately about their own family experiences. I will be writing separate blogs discussing some of the questions that people raised.

Looking back I realize that the trip to Atlanta was an exceptional experience, not because of the number of books I sold, but because of the people I met and the issues they raised. Getting to spend time with Bobby and his family was a bonus. And the warmth and hospitality of Maxine and Jon Schein, my son’s in-laws, made everything move along as smoothly as possible.  I can't end the blog without mentioning

one of the highlights of the trip, Atlanta's Botanical Garden and its dazzling display of orchids.

Good Marketing News

I have a happy surprise to share today. For some time since publication of The Unveiling, I have been disappointed that The Unveiling was not yet available on the chapters.indigo online website.  I am very happy to report that I checked the website today, and it is now available.  So Canadian readers can now purchase a copy directly from various independent bookstores in Toronto, including The University of Toronto Bookstore, Israel's Judaica, Cavershams and The Women's Bookstore, and from both chapters.indigo.ca and amazon.ca.  This should please many of my colleagues who expressed concern about the importance of using Canadian outlets to market my book.

Island Memories

ISLAND MEMORIES

It hasn’t been easy adjusting to the cold weather in Toronto after three weeks on beautiful Marco Island, Florida where I combined a lovely beach holiday with two speaking events about The Unveiling. Marco Island is one of the loveliest Florida spots I’ve visited with its large beach, uncluttered streets and parks, mild weather and laid back atmosphere.

Part of the time we stayed in the home of my cousin, Carol Swartz, and her partner, David Malakoff to look after their dog, Lucky, while they were on a cruise. The new dog park a few blocks from their home was well designed and an amusing meeting spot for dog-owners as well as dogs. Lucky, a labrapoodle, did not play much with the other dogs. Her joy came from gathering all of the tennis balls she could find, bringing them to one spot and protecting them from the other dogs.

We spent the last week of our stay in a beachside condominium overlooking the Gulf. Waking up to the sound of the ocean was a special treat.

Carol hosted a luncheon and “meet-the-author” event at her home for her Newcomers’ group. Twelve people attended and most had already read The Unveiling. Their response was warm and encouraging, especially because several shared other stories they knew of families who had kept mental illness a secret. At the end, several women embraced me, and one invited Ray and me to a dinner at her home that weekend. The friendly and informal dinner added to our wonderful island memories.

The second event was a sisterhood luncheon at the Marco Island Jewish Temple. Again, several people had already read the book – thanks to Carol’s helpful marketing before I arrived. I was impressed by the intensity of the discussion as people shared stories from their lives. At the end, I even sold several more books.

We are looking forward to a return to the Marco Island area next winter and hope it will be for a longer stay. I’m also hoping I can schedule some similar events where I can present The Unveiling and encourage dialogue about the experiences I wrote about.

Comments from Readers

Since the book launch in November, many readers have written to share their reactions to The Unveiling. Some readers found the book's characters interesting. They are based on real people, some of whom appear in the picture to the right taken in 1954. (Names left to right: Leah Rubin, Anna Rubin, Corrine Rubin, Yetta Rubin and Allen Rubin.)

It’s been great hearing from people, and I hope I’ll be hearing from more of you.

Following are some of the comments from readers:

A book for all generations - "The Unveiling is a book for all generations to read and digest. The Burin Family could have been my family's experiences in Eastern Europe before relocating to America and most specifically Pittsburgh. I cannot wait for my family, friends and grandchildren to read this compelling book by Leah Rae Lambert about the dreams, fears and accomplishments of three generations within a family".
Ann Stone, amazon.com review - 5 stars
Jacksonville, FL

Most Poignant Revelation How One Family Overcame the Family "Secret."  It was a wonderfully written book. The stories of the early days of Jewish immigrants in Pittsburgh were authentic and personally meaningful. It also brings out the stigma of those times in dealing with mental illness in one's family.
Reader Review - 5 stars
barnesandnoble.com

"I want to take minute to thank you for "The Unveiling." This is quite a story and I assume an important family memoir though fiction. I especially enjoyed the shtetl experience and the coming over. I learned about Jewish custom (didn't know what shiva was - I'm from KY) and a language that seems to have music and humor. The MI and stigma issues are tough and don't go away and few of us will cope as well as Ettie. I see this thoughtful book as a song of hope where hope is badly needed. You are a good story teller. Write another."
Charlie Sanders
Austin, Texas

"Fabulous book… During a recent cottage stay I simply could not put the book down and was, at times, very moved. What a story! There are so many facets and perspectives captured with such incredible insight!
The book deserves to be a bestseller!"
Sigrid Fessor
Toronto, Ontario